Black Atari plastic dashboard in front of me, grey sky through the windscreen, maybe it’s raining, maybe it isn’t. Warm jacket on, about eight thirty, start the engine, radio on. Down a bumpy drive, down a little lane, down another little lane, onto main road. Play with the radio. Maybe its raining, maybe it isn’t.
Listen to music, some songs are good, some songs annoy, grab a CD, open the case and put it on. Keep driving. Overtake a car. Dodge a puddle. Think about work. Think about ideas, think about life. Hear a good song, think about things. Drive. Get closer to work. Maybe slow down a little. I’ll still get there. Fiddle with the radio. Drive. Cars growl past, dry stone walls on either side of the narrow road blur, change gear up, change gear down.
Get to work, do work. Finish. Approach car, get into car, black Atari plastic dashboard, grey sky through the windscreen, maybe it’s raining, maybe it isn’t. Warm jacket on, about four thirty, start the engine, radio on. Out of the car park, down a hill, onto a road, drive. Fiddle with the radio. Drink a sports drink. Cars growl by, now they’re on my right side, they were on my left this morning. Think about tea, think about life, dodge a puddle, overtake a car. I don’t like this song, put in a CD, remember things in the past. Grey skies through the window. Fiddle with the radio. Rain, skid, quick brakes, brakes lock, sliding now, horizon turning right around, then a bump.
Then quiet, then a slow drift in my mind and a look through the windscreen, questions to myself, panic. I get out, more fear. I look down, then heartbeat, then cars stop, then people, then shouting.
Questions, shame, guilt, loss, hatred, refuge, home, rest, screams, split, drink, hide away, wait.
Appearance, verdict, shouting, questions, shame, guilt, loss, hide, drink, wait.
Black Atari plastic dashboard in front of me, grey sky through the windscreen, maybe it’s raining, maybe it isn’t. Warm jacket on, about eight thirty, start the engine, radio on. Down a bumpy drive, down a little lane, down another little lane, onto main road. Play with the radio. It’s raining slowly.
Listen to music, some songs are good, some songs annoy. Keep driving. Overtake a car. Dodge a puddle. Think about work. Think about it. Hear a song, whistle. Drive. Get closer to work. Maybe slow down a little. I’ll get there. Fiddle with the radio. Drive. Cars growl past, dry stone walls on either side of the narrow road blur, change gear up, change gear down. Turn around. Now the cars are growling on my right.
Flowers tucked into a wall at the side of the road, beneath them muddy tyre tracks cut into the grass.
‘So he killed himself’
‘Jesus Christ, I didn’t see that in the papers’
‘Well, it was years back, and they don’t like to print too much miserable shit – it’s only a local story, not what people want to hear’
‘The poor sod, imagine having that on your conscience’
‘Fuck him, the kid’s the one you should feel sorry for’
‘Gary was working there, you know he works for the council, worked for them for years…’
‘Yeah’
‘Well, he strims the grass at the roadside, and he swears that the tyre tracks are still there’
‘How could they be ? Surely the grass would grow or something ?’
‘Gary reckons the tracks come up each time it rains’
Black Atari plastic dashboard in front of me, grey sky through the windscreen, maybe it’s raining, maybe it isn’t. Warm jacket on, about eight thirty, start the engine, radio on. Down a bumpy drive, down a little lane, down another little lane, onto main road. Play with the radio. Maybe its raining, maybe it isn’t.
Listen to music, some songs are good, some songs annoy, grab a CD, open the case and put it on. Keep driving. Overtake a car. Dodge a puddle. Think about work. Think about ideas, think about life. Hear a good song, think about things. Drive. Get closer to work. Maybe slow down a little. I’ll still be there. Fiddle with the radio. Drive. Cars growl past, dry stone walls on either side of the narrow road blur, change gear up, change gear down. I’ll get there.
